


It's not the 1930s anymore

by Hauclair



Category: Avengers, Capta America, Stucky - Fandom
Genre: Bucky is the love of Steves life, Depression, Eventual Smut, Figuring Out Who You Are, Loneliness, M/M, Memory Loss, Post serum! Captain america, Slow Burn, Violence, not sure on the timeline..., self hate, set after CW I think?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-09 02:11:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11094717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hauclair/pseuds/Hauclair
Summary: Prompt "you my dear, are the most beautiful person I have ever encountered and I have only discovered a fraction of your soul"Steve can't help but think about the old Bucky, the one he knew all his life. Bucky tries so hard to be the person he knows Steve wants, but he doesn't know if he can do it. Bucky sinks deeper and deeper into depression as time goes on, he's constantly having flashbacks, he's trying to be someone he's not, and he thinks he loves his best friend... again.





	1. "We used to be lovers"

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! This is my new fic based on the lovely ship, stucky. This first chapter is short, I'm sorry about that, but the rest should be much longer! This will be a chaptered fic.

On that fateful day Years ago, when Steve saw Bucky for the first time in decades, he had completely changed. Bucky was no longer the soft, caring, gentle person he once was. He had been brainwashed and hurt, he had changed. Bucky had hurt people, he hadn't even known who he was. Sometimes it was like Steve was with a completely different person; he was with a completely different person. Steve knew that there was still parts of the old Bucky there though. The “new” Bucky still had some of the qualities of the one Steve knew in the 30s, but it wasn't how it used to be. Steve was still learning who this Bucky was.   
Bucky had lost so many memories, that he had adapted into a completely different person, from the time he escaped, until the present day.   
Bucky remembered things, but he still wasn't him. He wasn't James Buchanan Barnes- Bucky. It was like he had been given the chance to start his life over, he got to find out who he was, who he wanted to be. Most people may think of it as a blessing, but Bucky thought of it as a curse.   
All Bucky wanted was to be the person Steve said he used to be, the person he saw in flashes and in dreams. But he knew he would never be able to be that person again. Bucky was broken. He wasn't a happy person anymore, he was gloomy more days than not. He wasn't the soft person Steve knew him to be, he was brash, and rough. He had become the opposite of what he was before. Bucky wished that he had died in the fall.  
\---

Steve had thought it best that Bucky stayed with him when they found each other again, and Bucky agreed. Bucky spent most days trying new foods, listening to new music, watching tv, and movies. He was trying to figure out what things he liked. So far plums and spaghetti were his favorite foods, punk music was his favorite music, and he liked comedy movies, shows, and documentaries. He hated pears, hated pop music, and hated horror movies. Bucky also liked to keep up with the news, apparently something old-him liked to do too.  
One thing Steve accidentally let slip that shocked Bucky most though, they were in love before his fall. Bucky didn't know how to feel about it at first. It had taken him a few weeks to come to terms with it, in that time, all he did was lock himself in his bedroom and think, try to remember. He could feel something when he thought about it, he felt warm inside, but he knew Steve would never be able to love him again. That realization had him locked in his room for another week and a half, Bucky beat himself up mentally in that time, he hated himself, he thought no one could ever love him again,not even Steve, he was a disgusting excuse for a human, who hurt more people than he helped, he didn't deserve Steve.   
The first night Bucky came out after those few weeks, he told Steve it might not be good for him to live there. “In case i hurt you” he used for an excuse, Bucky knew Steve didn't buy into it though, but he let Bucky leave anyways.


	2. 2 months apart.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have spent two long months from eachother, Bucky is still trying to piece his past with Steve together so he can understand everything.

Steve sat on the couch and stared blankly at the tv, it's been 2 months since Bucky movEd out and he was so lonely. Steve doesn't do much of anything anymore, he cooks, cleans, bathes, and attempts to make art. Occasionally sam would show up and scold him for not leaving the house much anymore, and Steve would just give him some bullshit excuse.   
‘If Bucky was here, I wouldn't be like this’ Steve selfishly thought, but it was true, he wouldn't have turned into some hermit if Bucky was still around.   
\-------   
Bucky was in a much similar situation, all he did everyday was mope, he sat in bed most of the day, only getting up to go to the bathroom and get food. Bucky didn't have anyone to check on him though, he didn't really have friends any longer. When he came out of cyro after the sakovia accords, he only had Steve, and now he didn't even have him. Bucky just couldn't work up the courage to talk to Steve, he wanted to so badly, but he thought Steve might've never really been a friend, just a lover. His memories were still all fuzzy and he wasn't completely sure about anything other than his missions he went on as the winter soldier. 

Bucky sighed and looked at the ‘cell phone’ he was given when he got out of cyro and texted the one person he thought might help. Natasha. 

“Hi, has Steve told you much about our relationship before the war?”

“He told me that you guys were really close, knew each other since birth, always inseparable. Why? You two ok?” 

“Yeah we're fine. I'm just taking time sorting through memories, trying to figure it all out. Thanks.” 

Bucky sighed, that wasn't much help at all. He was hoping Steve told Natasha more, maybe told her about their love life before the war, but nope, nothing. He was starting to get frustrated, every night he would get flashes of memories, but never enough to really tell him anything, and he really didn't want to talk to Steve about it all.  
Buckys phone dinged and he groaned, reluctantly picking it up. The text was another from Natasha.

“Steve, Sam, and I are going out for dinner. You're coming with us, don't even bother trying to say no, just make yourself presentable. I'm 5 minutes away to get you.”

Bucky sighed, he knew this was Natasha's way of forcing him and Steve together, she must know he's not talking to Steve.   
Bucky got off the couch and put on some decent looking clothes, and waited for Natasha.   
About 15 minutes later Natasha knocked on his door with a smirk on her face “time to go, tough guy. Steve is dying to see you” she chuckled, and Bucky trailed after her to her car, and he got in, and squished in next to Steve.   
If Bucky had a top 10 awkward moments list, this would make the cut. He was squished next to Steve, the guy that was apparently his lover, the guy he thought was his best friend, who he was currently ignoring.  
There was an awkward silence in the car, no one daring to speak. Bucky couldn't wait until they got to the restaurant, maybe it would be less awkward… or atleast he hoped it would be less awkward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update! Lots has been going on here and I needed to sort myself out before I could finish this chapter. I hope the next one comes much much quicker. So yeah, here's this super short, super shitty chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi again! I'd appreciate comments and kudos, it's what keeps me writing and motivated!


End file.
